We Broke Up and I Moved Back Home With My Parents – 7 Ways This Has Shaped My Life

But do I miss the outfit backdrops in my apartment? …Yes. Yes I do.

Outfit details: Sherpa Lined Denim Jacket (Levis) // Jeans (Madewell) // Boots (Dolce Vita, similar)

This is a post I have been wanting to write for THE longest time. In fact, I actually had a first draft of this post written back in October, a couple months after I first moved back to my family’s home in the suburbs… I’m honestly really glad I waited, because the takeaways of this whole experience are way clearer and validated now than they were at the beginning. In hindsight, moving out of the apartment I shared with my then boyfriend and getting through this difficult to navigate breakup was the start of a whole new chapter and phase of life for me. Between you and me, there’s a shit ton I want to eventually say on the subject of breakups and putting the pieces of your life back together, but I think there is something to say simply regarding the whole “moving back in with your parents” kinda thing. As common as this path might be for millennials nowadays (at least, that’s what I tell myself so I can sleep at night!!), it’s easy to put a stigma on your own situation, and feel like you’ve failed in a way. Especially if you’re coming out of a life situation where you felt like you “made” it.

But, as I have truly learned and grasped over the last six or so months, there’s no such thing as “making it.” Life is this perpetual journey of growing and falling and starting over and growing again. And in order to make the cycle a good one, one that makes you uncomfortable, and subsequently challenges, shapes, and changes you… you need to embrace your set backs and personal failures. For me, this included moving out of (pardon my language) a really fucking beautiful and over-the-top-luxe apartment, filled with brand new Crate & Barrel and West Elm neutral luxuries, but a sort of hollowness that haunted me for all the time I lived there.

I want to preface by saying I was so, SO fortunate to have a home that I could immediately retreat to and parents that were welcoming and supportive of my return. It gave me flexibility, options, and the best support I could have had; I was incredibly grateful. Still, to be fully honest, I had a ton of anxieties about moving home. I was scared of how it would make me feel. Would it feel like I had lost a piece of independence? Would being 40 min north of the city alienate me from my friends, from the city’s energy, something I absolutely loved? I readied myself for a whole lot of unknowns.

I had lived at home in the suburbs right when I graduated from college. Between feeling like I had yet to establish a group of friends and a life of my own in Chicago, plus working 100% from home (in a role that didn’t give me a ton to do), it was just an unsettling time. I felt stuck and trapped, like it was hindering my growth and ability to start making roots. I just needed to get a place in the city. It was the “in” I needed to start feeling connected. The day I moved into my first apartment, my name on the lease, my paychecks paying the rent— it was so liberating.

Flash forward a couple years and one breakup later, to the burbs I went. The first few nights were so weird. I couldn’t tell you the last time I had even slept there. And yet, time proves to be a mysteriously powerful thing. It gets you through hardships, and it allows you to redefine “normal” as many times as you need to. Which, I will be the first to admit, is some type of wonderful.

I moved back over the summer and it’s safe to say I have a new life and new routine. The space for doubts, fears, and unknowns have been filled with surprises, amazing memories, and this time of self-discovery and growth that has changed me more than I ever have in my adult life. And, I truly believe moving back home played a major role in all of that.

Here are 7 ways moving back home has positively impacted my life:

1. It forced me to make the extra effort to be social, during a time where being social was so, so important. Because I wasn’t close to friends anymore, I had to be really purposeful when it came to making plans. And, because of everything going on, I obviously wanted to be with friends all the time!! So, it ended up being a big motivator for me to get out of the house and go downtown and say yes to things I might not have otherwise.
2. It’s allowed me to regain my old identity, and sense of self and normalcy pre breakup. This is my home, my family, the place I grew up in… it will always represent a “me” that belongs to me alone, no matter who I date and is in and then out of my life. This seems like a really straightforward concept, but I really relished the thought. I would go through old stuff in my room all the time, and it just served as this reminder that “there was a me before and there is a me after.” A lesson I found very comforting.
3. It gave me 24/7 support from some of the most important people in my life at the time I needed it most, allowing me to cope and heal in the healthiest way possible. And doing so, was this reminder that yes— it is okay to need help and it’s okay to get it! In fact, always do that. Never shy away from the people in your corner.
4. Its allowed me to practice the art of being alone. Which, coming from a situation where I lived with someone, I needed to work on. I didn’t realize how badly I needed to work on this skill to be honest. As a single person, the independence and ability to spend my time entirely on my own terms ended up being something I very much fell in love with haha. And now, my alone time is something sacred that I need to stay sane.
5. Its allowed me to save a TON of money. And I was still paying rent the last few months… This big life event brought with it a huge lifestyle change; I stopped going out to eat all the time on the weekends, never missing a brunch, ordering in Postmates all the time… I don’t even wanna think about the amount I used to spend on food alone.
6. Its motivated me more than ever to formulate my life plan. It was after I moved home and had all this time to self-reflect, talk extensively with my family, etc, that I realized that I needed to make some other big life changes over the course of the coming year. I ended up taking the GRE and applying to a graduate school program that seems like this destined fit… Still waiting to hear back (AH), so we will see what happens. Regardless, taking ownership of my future and really thinking through what I want to do and who I want to be when it comes to my life and career has been such an empowering and defining experience.
7. It’s allowed me to focus on the value of simple things, the things that really matter. I was so concerned about losing my apartment and connection to the city and what that would mean for my life, how I viewed myself and my happiness.. and one day I just realized it didn’t matter. I didn’t care if I had that apartment anymore. Yes, it was beautiful, but it was just a space, filled with things. Realizing I had let it go without even trying to was a really powerful moment. At the end of the day, I am me no matter what— no matter where I live or the things I have.